A Consistent Inner Struggle

There are several things that I am constantly struggling with. I often fight with myself about one thing or another. The question of God's will is often on my mind-what is His will for my life? It's something that has caused me to worry too much, and though it can excite me at times, it can also make me stressed.

Matthew 6:34 says, "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Often there are verses that I find very comforting, but at the same time hard to apply. This is one of those verses. It is so comforting to know that I do not need to worry about tomorrow, and that all I need to focus on is today. But that is so hard to do! It's so easy to worry about what's going to happen tomorrow. It's so hard not knowing God's will for my life. No matter how much I pray about it, I still worry about it at times. But recently I have begun to understand how to change this.

Lately I have been journaling nearly every day and it has been great. I can go back to specific days and see what I read in my devotions and what I was struggling with or learning on top of that. January 12, I was particularly frustrated with the question of what God's plan for my life is. Here is part of what I wrote that day:

Again I feel the pull to be anxious over things in the future...[God] will make my path abundantly clear as I acknowledge Him (Proverbs 3:5-6)...God is faithful and has never let me get out of His will so much that it can't be reversed. He will guide me and all I need to do is do the right things for today. As Betsie ten Boom said, “the center of His will is our only safety.” As along as I'm seeking His face and obediently doing His will for right now, the long-run things will fall into place.

 Another thing that has helped is what I remember hearing quite often from my junior high Bible teacher. Mrs. Johnson was one of the best teachers I've ever had, and she had many sayings that were memorable and would be life-changing if lived out. One of the things she always said was "Just do the next right thing." Often we get caught up in what to do about the big things in life. But if we daily do just the things for that day that need to be done, the bigger picture things will work out. This is not to say that we never plan for the future (remember the ant in Proverbs). An example of this is finding a job. People often worry about working and making money, especially in this economy when it's hard to find jobs. But the "today" thing to do would be to fill out applications, and leave the rest to the Lord. As He opens doors, He will make it clear what to do. But rather than worrying about it, just do the right thing (fill out applications, do interviews, make sure your resume is updated, etc.). The rest is the Lord's job, and it is important to remember this: He will always provide what you need. But His idea of what we need is often quite different than our idea of it. 

Yesterday afternoon this subject was brought up again. Some older friends encouraged my friend Abby and I to seek the Lord and do the things He requires of us to do today. One of them talked about how usually when the Bible talks about the will of God for our lives, it's not about a career, spouse, or things like that. He reminded us of one thing the Bible says about God's will: "For this is the will of God, your sanctification..." (I Thessalonians 4:3, emphasis added). God desires our sanctification, and as we walk with Him and obey Him, the bigger picture will be revealed and will work itself out.

I am not claiming to have mastered this by any means, but it is a way that God has been teaching me to rely on Him more, so I thought I'd share it. :) 

p.s. In the excerpt from my journal I talked about never going outside of God's will so far that it can't be reversed. Not that I completely understand the will of God, because I believe that no one does or ever will, but here is what I meant: I know that God is sovereign and will work things out the way He plans in His own time. But I also know that He gave us a free will, and that we have a sin nature. These two things combined mean that we can go outside of His will in the smaller picture, by sinning. But I don't believe that we can really mess up the bigger picture, even if our small "mistakes" seem like they could ruin our lives.