Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Found this
I'm following Rick Holland on twitter, so I found this blog post he wrote today. Now, I'm not his son - let alone, a male - and I'm not sixteen, so not all of this directly applies to me. But there were so many great pieces of advice in here that I just had to share. Enjoy!
Self-Knowledge {Valley of Vision}
Searcher of hearts,
It is a good day to me when thou givest me a glimpse of myself;
Sin is my greatest evil, but thou art my greatest good;
I have cause to loathe myself, and not to seek self-honour, for no one desires to commend his own dunghill.
My country, family, church fare worse because of my sins,
for sinners bring judgment in thinking sins are small, or that God is not angry with them.
Let me not take other good men as my example,
and think I am good because I am like them,
For all good men are not so good as thou desirest,
are not always consistent, do not always follow holiness, do not feel eternal good in sore affliction.
Show me how to know when a thing is evil which I think is right and good,
how to know when what is lawful comes from an evil principle,
such as desire for reputation or wealth by usury.
Give me grace to recall my needs,
my lack of knowing thy will in Scripture,
of wisdom to guide others,
of daily repentance, want of which keeps thee at bay,
of the spirit of prayer, having words without love,
of zeal for thy glory, seeking my own ends,
of joy in thee and thy will,
of love to others.
And let me not lay my pipe too short of the fountain,
never touching the eternal spring, never drawing down water from above.
Read this prayer this morning and was humbled by it. I hope that the truths in this prayer humble you too.
It is a good day to me when thou givest me a glimpse of myself;
Sin is my greatest evil, but thou art my greatest good;
I have cause to loathe myself, and not to seek self-honour, for no one desires to commend his own dunghill.
My country, family, church fare worse because of my sins,
for sinners bring judgment in thinking sins are small, or that God is not angry with them.
Let me not take other good men as my example,
and think I am good because I am like them,
For all good men are not so good as thou desirest,
are not always consistent, do not always follow holiness, do not feel eternal good in sore affliction.
Show me how to know when a thing is evil which I think is right and good,
how to know when what is lawful comes from an evil principle,
such as desire for reputation or wealth by usury.
Give me grace to recall my needs,
my lack of knowing thy will in Scripture,
of wisdom to guide others,
of daily repentance, want of which keeps thee at bay,
of the spirit of prayer, having words without love,
of zeal for thy glory, seeking my own ends,
of joy in thee and thy will,
of love to others.
And let me not lay my pipe too short of the fountain,
never touching the eternal spring, never drawing down water from above.
Read this prayer this morning and was humbled by it. I hope that the truths in this prayer humble you too.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Quotes
"If we are not content with what we have, we will never be content with what we want." Nancy Leigh DeMoss
"Hurry is a place of life that is seldom conducive to godliness, to relationships, to anything that ultimately matters to us." Nancy Leigh DeMoss
"Repenting is telling Christ exactly why you need Him." David Osborne
"Hurry is a place of life that is seldom conducive to godliness, to relationships, to anything that ultimately matters to us." Nancy Leigh DeMoss
"Repenting is telling Christ exactly why you need Him." David Osborne
Thursday, January 12, 2012
"Rom Coms"
This article written by Betsy Hart sums up exactly why I have been taking a break from romantic comedies and similar things. (Though I will admit I have listened to several Lady Antebellum songs I previously omitted from regular use - and am back to taking my break from them). If you can, I would encourage you to read the entire post.
Here are some highlights (note: she refers to these movies as romantic pornography in the title and the body of the post):
"Just as sexual pornography twists an understanding for men about real women’s bodies and sexual appetites, so romantic pornography twists the perception for women about real men and how they “ought” to behave toward women, which tends to amount to, well, behaving like a woman. "
"Scripture is clear that the ultimate bridegroom jealously pursues his bride, the church. In fact romantic pornography has a ring of truth to it, which is one reason it is powerful."
"C. S. Lewis addressed the issue so well in his essay on chivalry:
The medieval knight brought together two things which have no natural tendency to gravitate toward one another. It brought them together for that very reason. It taught humility and forbearance to the great warrior because everyone knew by experience how much he usually needed that lesson. It demanded valor of the urbane and modest man because everyone knew that he was as likely as not to be a milksop.
In other words boys and men may need to be civilized, but never feminized."
Romantic comedies and the like place unrealistic expectations on men. Expecting a man to basically act like a woman is expecting him to act differently than the way he was wired. Women expect their men to have both ultra masculine qualities and feminine qualities, and they just aren't wired like that. I like what Hart said - they should "be civilized, but never feminized". They may not have fifteen different emotions that they want to discuss with you, and you have to be okay with that. Your boyfriend is just that - a boyfriend, not your best girlfriend to have spa days with. Expecting him to be he isn't is a) going to hurt you in the end, and b) unfair to him. God created each person to bear His image - don't try to change him (except, obviously, this does not mean that we accept sin). Let him be a man, the way he was created to be!
The other danger with "rom coms" I have mentioned previously (here) is the expectation it puts on men for pursuit. In movies, the female character doesn't just play hard to get, she is hard to get - almost impossible in fact. But also in movies, the male character will stop at nothing to get her affections! If he has to chase her on his motorcycle and stop her cab driver from taking her to the airport when she's about to move (How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, he will. If he has to denounce his "player" ways and admit he's "whipped", he will (John Tucker Must Die). If he has to woo her by his Southern ways and remind her (without words) that she won't find love with her current fiance like she did with him, he will (Sweet Home Alabama). I could keep going.
The reality is yes, guys may like a challenge, but if they perceive that they have no chance, they will move on. The common consensus among the ladies of The Master's College is that the men need to step it up, ask more girls out, relax a little bit and just ask someone out without needing to know if she's "the one" first, etc. I've heard all of those many times, and have said them myself. But often the girls aren't aware of the reason why it's hard for them to do those things - they have been rejected too many times. They don't want to risk it happening again. (Now I'm not going to go into whose side is right or wrong. I'm just stating the facts.) The bummer is that often when a girl is seemingly rejecting a guy, she is just trying to get him to try harder, like the guys in romantic comedies.
Now, I am not saying that I think romantic comedies are bad. They can be fun, in moderation. I definitely enjoy a good chick flick. I am just saying that they aren't reality.
So girls, here are my suggestions:
- When you watch movies like this, be careful to not get wrapped up in false ideas of what guys are/should be. Remember to be realistic. Remember these movies are fiction.
- Don't get jaded and think "no guys are romantic", "love doesn't exist" or other things like that. There are real, true love stories out there, stories who are written by none other than God Himself, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe!
- If you want, try and take a break from romantic comedies and love songs. It's very helpful!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Being Realistic When Unrealistic Expectations Are Thrown Your Way
I found a quote on Pinterest that says, "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our heads of how it's supposed to be." Now I won't go into the fact that that is probably not what messes us up the most, but the rest of it is true.
Growing up with the mind of a typical girl, Disney, Taylor Swift, chick flicks, country music, fairy tales, etc. was fun. It was always interesting to think about the future and what it would be like to have a boyfriend or husband or to be in love. And of course, these things were always discussed with my girlfriends. We made lists of our ideal future husbands and talked about our ideas of what love and marriage were like. We believed that life would be perfect, or at least complete, if we finally had all of those things we had desired when we were younger.
Then, my junior year of high school, it happened - I got a boyfriend. Life was GOOD. I loved having him in my life. We had so much fun and I was very happy to be with someone I liked so much. All of the love songs I had heard, all of the cheesy stereotypes of what "love" should be like...I thought they had all come true for me and the bf. But eventually reality set in. Neither of us were perfect - in fact, we were both sinners who often looked out for our own personal interests rather than the interests of others, as Philippians 2:4 exhorts. There were conflicts to address and problems to work through. Why had Disney never told me that being in a relationship would come with heartache and disappointments too? Why had no one mentioned that other girls might be interested in my boyfriend? Why did The Notebook make arguing look romantic, rather than difficult and hurtful? Where were the stories about how intimidating it felt like to meet his friends or extended family? Why hadn't anyone said that you might still feel lonely at times, even when in a relationship? How are you supposed to know that months after a breakup you could still feel the loss? No one had ever warned me about these things! Yes, dating was great, and I don't want to sound like it wasn't. It was full of good times. But there were so many things that had been left out of it to give me and other girls a full picture of what it was like. Until my first relationship with a guy, I had no idea what it was really like.
Relationships aren't perfect because people aren't perfect. But so often girls are caught up in the trap of thinking, "If I just had a boyfriend, _________ would be easier" or "If I were in love, the pain of _________ would be so much less". Your problems will not end the moment you say "I do". As women, many of us have been thinking about our weddings since the age of five, mainly focusing on the man who would meet us at the end of the altar. We often just know that if we were married, we would be content/less lonely/happier/complete...the list goes on and on. I know I have thought like this before, and I know many other ladies who do/have. A problem with this is that our sin does not go away overnight. Discontentment, loneliness, etc, are often rooted in deeper things, such as not believing that God is enough. If you cannot find God to be enough before you're married, you won't be able to after, either. You must fight against your flesh and find your identity and sufficiency in Christ. The other problem with this is it's the same thing that happened in high school - I had idealized notions of what dating was like, and though there was truth in those notions, the harder things had been left out. Similarly, I can picture what marriage will be like all I want, but it probably won't be anything like that. Such is the danger of imagining things. We often set ourselves up for disappointment, hurt, and confusion.
One of the most dangerous things about this is not just idealizing the marriage, but idealizing the man. As I mentioned before, girls fantasize about what they want in a husband. Tall, dark, and handsome, strong, athletic, funny, gentleman, loves animals, loves kids, sensitive, makes a lot of money, hardworking, Christian, leader, writer, wise, charming, servant, good with technology, musician, wants to be (or is) a missionary/soldier/doctor/firefighter/whatever, avid reader, smart, kind, generous, humble...I think you get the picture. While many of these are good to look for, and some I personally consider non-negotiable, we have to remember to be realistic. No man exists who holds all of these qualities all the time. We also must keep the main thing, the main thing. Focus on his heart and who he is, rather than the externals. Meredith has told me countless times that she is so glad she married Jake, because he is such a kind and humble man. She warns against marrying, and even dating, men who are not characterized by these qualities, because they are crucial.
Don't get so wrapped up in your own idea of what you want in a man, that you miss the truly important things. Don't get so wrapped up in your idealistic views of marriage that you forget that there are struggles in marriage too. Talk to married people about what marriage is really like. Have realistic expectations. Learn contentment now. Learn to live life to the fullest, whatever your circumstances. Be grounded in God and His word. Ask Him to line your thoughts up with His. Find your identity and joy in Him. "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness" (Matt 6:33).
Growing up with the mind of a typical girl, Disney, Taylor Swift, chick flicks, country music, fairy tales, etc. was fun. It was always interesting to think about the future and what it would be like to have a boyfriend or husband or to be in love. And of course, these things were always discussed with my girlfriends. We made lists of our ideal future husbands and talked about our ideas of what love and marriage were like. We believed that life would be perfect, or at least complete, if we finally had all of those things we had desired when we were younger.
Then, my junior year of high school, it happened - I got a boyfriend. Life was GOOD. I loved having him in my life. We had so much fun and I was very happy to be with someone I liked so much. All of the love songs I had heard, all of the cheesy stereotypes of what "love" should be like...I thought they had all come true for me and the bf. But eventually reality set in. Neither of us were perfect - in fact, we were both sinners who often looked out for our own personal interests rather than the interests of others, as Philippians 2:4 exhorts. There were conflicts to address and problems to work through. Why had Disney never told me that being in a relationship would come with heartache and disappointments too? Why had no one mentioned that other girls might be interested in my boyfriend? Why did The Notebook make arguing look romantic, rather than difficult and hurtful? Where were the stories about how intimidating it felt like to meet his friends or extended family? Why hadn't anyone said that you might still feel lonely at times, even when in a relationship? How are you supposed to know that months after a breakup you could still feel the loss? No one had ever warned me about these things! Yes, dating was great, and I don't want to sound like it wasn't. It was full of good times. But there were so many things that had been left out of it to give me and other girls a full picture of what it was like. Until my first relationship with a guy, I had no idea what it was really like.
Relationships aren't perfect because people aren't perfect. But so often girls are caught up in the trap of thinking, "If I just had a boyfriend, _________ would be easier" or "If I were in love, the pain of _________ would be so much less". Your problems will not end the moment you say "I do". As women, many of us have been thinking about our weddings since the age of five, mainly focusing on the man who would meet us at the end of the altar. We often just know that if we were married, we would be content/less lonely/happier/complete...the list goes on and on. I know I have thought like this before, and I know many other ladies who do/have. A problem with this is that our sin does not go away overnight. Discontentment, loneliness, etc, are often rooted in deeper things, such as not believing that God is enough. If you cannot find God to be enough before you're married, you won't be able to after, either. You must fight against your flesh and find your identity and sufficiency in Christ. The other problem with this is it's the same thing that happened in high school - I had idealized notions of what dating was like, and though there was truth in those notions, the harder things had been left out. Similarly, I can picture what marriage will be like all I want, but it probably won't be anything like that. Such is the danger of imagining things. We often set ourselves up for disappointment, hurt, and confusion.
One of the most dangerous things about this is not just idealizing the marriage, but idealizing the man. As I mentioned before, girls fantasize about what they want in a husband. Tall, dark, and handsome, strong, athletic, funny, gentleman, loves animals, loves kids, sensitive, makes a lot of money, hardworking, Christian, leader, writer, wise, charming, servant, good with technology, musician, wants to be (or is) a missionary/soldier/doctor/firefighter/whatever, avid reader, smart, kind, generous, humble...I think you get the picture. While many of these are good to look for, and some I personally consider non-negotiable, we have to remember to be realistic. No man exists who holds all of these qualities all the time. We also must keep the main thing, the main thing. Focus on his heart and who he is, rather than the externals. Meredith has told me countless times that she is so glad she married Jake, because he is such a kind and humble man. She warns against marrying, and even dating, men who are not characterized by these qualities, because they are crucial.
Don't get so wrapped up in your own idea of what you want in a man, that you miss the truly important things. Don't get so wrapped up in your idealistic views of marriage that you forget that there are struggles in marriage too. Talk to married people about what marriage is really like. Have realistic expectations. Learn contentment now. Learn to live life to the fullest, whatever your circumstances. Be grounded in God and His word. Ask Him to line your thoughts up with His. Find your identity and joy in Him. "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness" (Matt 6:33).
Monday, December 19, 2011
To NOT Do:
Well, I've already shared what I'm doing over break here (tackling the reading list I was given for Children's Lit, which I'm taking next semester). But there is something else I'm doing - or rather, not doing - over break (for an indefinite period of time - maybe 'til January, maybe til break ends, maybe longer).
Let me start by saying this: I love love songs. They're so cute and they make me happy, plus they are just fun to sing along to. I also really enjoy romantic comedies, or books that include love stories, and other similar things. But over the last couple weeks I have realized that this is dangerous. It totally breeds discontentment in my current state of singleness. Don't get me wrong - I am enjoying being single. I love the time I have to spend time with sweet girlfriends and serving in my church. But when I am constantly bombarded with "love stories" and things like that, my contentment dwindles.
Another thing is this: the "love" shown in these movies/songs/books is not real. And if it does happen to be real, it's not the lasting kind of love. It's only the romantic love that is shown. But a good marriage includes more than just romantic love, because that comes and goes. It needs to have a self-sacrificial love. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). How did Christ love the church? He gave His life for her. This is the love that marriage must be built on. (Wives should also love their husbands this way.) Should the romantic kind of love be there? Of course! But it needs to be so much more than just that. But when people only see the romance of relationships, they develop unrealistic expectations.
Speaking of unrealistic expectations, Meredith said something that was really helpful, too. She said that in chick flicks, the man is willing to bend over backward and do whatever it takes to catch the attention of a woman. He will fight as hard as he needs to, for however long he needs to, to get the woman of his dreams. But in real life, this doesn't happen. Most guys will stop pursuing if they can see that it's clearly doing no good. (I think...I can't say that with authority because I'm, you know, not one of them.)
For these reasons, I am not going to listen to love songs (have to go through my iTunes and change the music it plays) or watch romantic comedies. I am not going to read any books that have romance stories either (not that I read many of those, but sometimes you start reading a novel and realize it's just a fatty love story). I know that I can't entirely avoid romance over break - it's not a realistic goal. And it's not what I want necessarily, either. As long as romance/a relationship is not the main focus of the movie/book, it's ok.
Why am I doing this? I don't want to have a worldly view of romance/relationships/marriage. While I'm single is a good time to take the time to think about this. If God blesses me with a husband in the future, I do not want to have unrealistic expectations of what our relationship should look like. I want my thoughts toward this to be based on truth from God's Word. I don't want it to be affected by the world's cheap ideas and definitions. The Bible says not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). This is one area my mind needs renewal, so that is what I intend to do.
Growing up, I was taught that when you "put off" one thing, you must "put on" something else. So I'm "putting off" love songs, chick flicks, etc, and putting on truth. The best thing I can do in life is to know and love God more. These things can often be a distraction from God and from the truth of His Word. As I study His Word and spend time in prayer, I always learn so much about Him. And the more I know Him, the more I love Him. As I see His character, I will also see truths about marriage and things like that. I will also be more content in my singleness. Whether or not I ever marry is in the Lord's hands, and as much as I'd love to have a husband and kids someday, I know that it may not happen. I need to trust Him in this area of my life (though this is often hard). This little project is about renewing my mind. But even more than that, it is about knowing Him. He is the main focus.
Why am I posting this on my blog? It may seem like a kind of personal thing to post on the internet. But I am pretty much an open book. I enjoy sharing what God does in my life, and I know that He's already worked through this project and will continue to do so. I may post more about it as time goes on and as I learn more. But I'm not sure if I will, so if you're reading this and ever want to know how it's going, feel free to ask. Also feel free to keep me accountable in this.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! And if you're on break from school, enjoy this time and be refreshed (but do not become spiritually lazy-life is a constant spiritual battle) by the time off!! Love you all.
Let me start by saying this: I love love songs. They're so cute and they make me happy, plus they are just fun to sing along to. I also really enjoy romantic comedies, or books that include love stories, and other similar things. But over the last couple weeks I have realized that this is dangerous. It totally breeds discontentment in my current state of singleness. Don't get me wrong - I am enjoying being single. I love the time I have to spend time with sweet girlfriends and serving in my church. But when I am constantly bombarded with "love stories" and things like that, my contentment dwindles.
Another thing is this: the "love" shown in these movies/songs/books is not real. And if it does happen to be real, it's not the lasting kind of love. It's only the romantic love that is shown. But a good marriage includes more than just romantic love, because that comes and goes. It needs to have a self-sacrificial love. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). How did Christ love the church? He gave His life for her. This is the love that marriage must be built on. (Wives should also love their husbands this way.) Should the romantic kind of love be there? Of course! But it needs to be so much more than just that. But when people only see the romance of relationships, they develop unrealistic expectations.
Speaking of unrealistic expectations, Meredith said something that was really helpful, too. She said that in chick flicks, the man is willing to bend over backward and do whatever it takes to catch the attention of a woman. He will fight as hard as he needs to, for however long he needs to, to get the woman of his dreams. But in real life, this doesn't happen. Most guys will stop pursuing if they can see that it's clearly doing no good. (I think...I can't say that with authority because I'm, you know, not one of them.)
For these reasons, I am not going to listen to love songs (have to go through my iTunes and change the music it plays) or watch romantic comedies. I am not going to read any books that have romance stories either (not that I read many of those, but sometimes you start reading a novel and realize it's just a fatty love story). I know that I can't entirely avoid romance over break - it's not a realistic goal. And it's not what I want necessarily, either. As long as romance/a relationship is not the main focus of the movie/book, it's ok.
Why am I doing this? I don't want to have a worldly view of romance/relationships/marriage. While I'm single is a good time to take the time to think about this. If God blesses me with a husband in the future, I do not want to have unrealistic expectations of what our relationship should look like. I want my thoughts toward this to be based on truth from God's Word. I don't want it to be affected by the world's cheap ideas and definitions. The Bible says not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). This is one area my mind needs renewal, so that is what I intend to do.
Growing up, I was taught that when you "put off" one thing, you must "put on" something else. So I'm "putting off" love songs, chick flicks, etc, and putting on truth. The best thing I can do in life is to know and love God more. These things can often be a distraction from God and from the truth of His Word. As I study His Word and spend time in prayer, I always learn so much about Him. And the more I know Him, the more I love Him. As I see His character, I will also see truths about marriage and things like that. I will also be more content in my singleness. Whether or not I ever marry is in the Lord's hands, and as much as I'd love to have a husband and kids someday, I know that it may not happen. I need to trust Him in this area of my life (though this is often hard). This little project is about renewing my mind. But even more than that, it is about knowing Him. He is the main focus.
Why am I posting this on my blog? It may seem like a kind of personal thing to post on the internet. But I am pretty much an open book. I enjoy sharing what God does in my life, and I know that He's already worked through this project and will continue to do so. I may post more about it as time goes on and as I learn more. But I'm not sure if I will, so if you're reading this and ever want to know how it's going, feel free to ask. Also feel free to keep me accountable in this.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! And if you're on break from school, enjoy this time and be refreshed (but do not become spiritually lazy-life is a constant spiritual battle) by the time off!! Love you all.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Guard Your Heart
As a woman who has grown up in the church and in a Christian school for most of my life, the phrase "guard your heart" (Proverbs 4:23, NIV) is one I have heard many a time. Let's be honest - it's one we hear and use quite often. Single Christian girls/women are constantly reminded to guard their hearts in reference to the opposite sex. But as I was reading a blog post by someone older and wiser, I saw that this is so wrong. Look at the context of this verse in Proverbs 23:
20 My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
21 Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
22 For they are life to those who find them
And health to all [g]their body.
23 Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious [h]speech far from you.
25 Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your [i]gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
26 Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.
27 Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.
(This quote is from the NASB version of the Bible. It's a different version than the previous one mentioned, and it doesn't use the words "guard your heart" specifically. This is my preferred version, but when people talk about the verse, they always use the NIV version, so I am using that specific phrase in this post...sorry if this is confusing.)
If you take a look at the context of the verse, it's not talking about romance at all. What are we to guard our hearts from? Sin. Walking with God is an active lifestyle. You must fight your sin, or it will destroy you, hence the words "guard"/"watch over" and "with all diligence". The other night I had a conversation with a sweet girl about the effects of sin. We have both watched it absolutely destroy those we love recently. It must be kept in check. If you don't destroy your sin, your sin will destroy you. This is why we must guard our hearts from it. Ultimately, our goal of guarding our hearts from sin must be out of our love and fear for God. His glory must be the driving motivator of our actions. He gets the most glory when we destroy our sins.
Note: it is important to be careful with where you place your romantic affections, and it is important to encourage others to do the same. It's also important to make sure that your thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, motives, etc. are pure in regards to relationships/romance. This just is not the verse from which to base those ideas.
20 My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
21 Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
22 For they are life to those who find them
And health to all [g]their body.
23 Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious [h]speech far from you.
25 Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your [i]gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
26 Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.
27 Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.
(This quote is from the NASB version of the Bible. It's a different version than the previous one mentioned, and it doesn't use the words "guard your heart" specifically. This is my preferred version, but when people talk about the verse, they always use the NIV version, so I am using that specific phrase in this post...sorry if this is confusing.)
If you take a look at the context of the verse, it's not talking about romance at all. What are we to guard our hearts from? Sin. Walking with God is an active lifestyle. You must fight your sin, or it will destroy you, hence the words "guard"/"watch over" and "with all diligence". The other night I had a conversation with a sweet girl about the effects of sin. We have both watched it absolutely destroy those we love recently. It must be kept in check. If you don't destroy your sin, your sin will destroy you. This is why we must guard our hearts from it. Ultimately, our goal of guarding our hearts from sin must be out of our love and fear for God. His glory must be the driving motivator of our actions. He gets the most glory when we destroy our sins.
Note: it is important to be careful with where you place your romantic affections, and it is important to encourage others to do the same. It's also important to make sure that your thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, motives, etc. are pure in regards to relationships/romance. This just is not the verse from which to base those ideas.
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