He's Too Good for Me

"He's too good for me." I think this is something that all of us girls have all thought or vocalized at some point in our lives. I know that this is something that I have definitely thought before. When I was younger I based it on more shallow things like looks, social status, athleticism, etc. When I got to college and learned what's really valuable in relationships, it was based on godliness. There's one guy in particular that stands out as the one that I always thought was too good for me, because he's just the perfect guy (except not really) and I'm so not perfect. I was reading through my journal today because I finished it (!!!) and wanted to read everything I've learned throughout my time journaling. I got to a page that mentioned this very subject and stopped because I know it's something that many people struggle with so I decided to write about it.

This past school year has been an interesting one in the relationship department. I was single and not really looking but still kind of had my eyes on someone. He just seemed to be the best guy on campus. Definitely too good for me. Well, I always knew this thinking was flawed, but it wasn't until I talked to Meredith about it did I realize how and why it was. Thankfully, that was one of those conversations we had that I immediately went back to my room and journaled about, because it sure did open my eyes to my wrong thinking, so I'm glad to have a written record of it.

The first reason this mindset is flawed: it doesn't take the Gospel into account. As believers, we are taught that none of us is good. Rom 3:10 says "as it is written, THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE" and Rom 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." None of us, left to our own devices, is good or does good. We can't because of our sin nature that has been with us our entire lives. Jesus Christ had to come die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin, freeing us from the power of sin and reconciling us to the holy God of the universe. Our righteousness is not our own - it's Christ's, because He lived a sinless life while He was on earth. "He's too good for me" is a lie because no one is good at all. The statement is fundamentally flawed.

The second reason this mindset is flawed: sanctification is not our own work. It's important to remember that our sanctification (becoming pure) is from God. We can't sanctify ourselves, rather it is grace God does in our lives. Yes, we read God's word to know and love Him more, and we obey His commandments, but He is the one who grows us in Christlikeness. We don't make ourselves more godly. God makes us godly. And if it's a work that God does in our lives, who are we to compare our godliness with someone else's and say that they're too good for us? Isn't that kind of like saying that God hasn't done enough in my life to allow compatibility or whatever with so-and-so? Knowing that God is in charge of our sanctification takes so much pressure off - we just obey Him and He works in our hearts to change us and make us more like Him. Believing someone is too good for us because they're more godly or more sanctified than we are is wrong because it assumes we make ourselves godly/sanctified.

The third reason this mindset is flawed: it sets everyone up for failure. Say Girl likes Guy and thinks he's just perfect. Well, when she finds out that Guy squeezes his toothpaste from the middle of the tube (almost unforgivable) and that he struggles with his temper, she's going to be majorly bummed. It stinks for Guy too, because he has this standard of perfection that he's supposed to meet. Because he's not perfect, he'll eventually be seen as less valuable to Girl, which is a bummer for him. Also, if Guy knew that Girl thought so highly of him, he might become prideful, forgetting that sanctification is God's work in his life, not his own. Everyone loses in this situation.

The fourth reason this mindset is flawed: it doesn't take into account God's sovereignty. God is in control over every aspect of our lives, yes? Psalm 103:19 says "The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all." The word used for "all" here means..."all" (ok, sorry...Christian college joke). I don't really want to get into the subject of is there just one person God has for us, or could we, by His grace, really spend the rest of our lives with just anyone who fits the requirements. But if God does have someone specific for us, thinking that someone is too good limits God (in our minds). If there's really someone that God has chosen for you or me, it doesn't matter how "good" or godly or whatever he is or I am, it'll happen. Also, if we think one person is too good for us, and then end up dating/marrying another person, is that saying that this guy isn't as good as the other one? It's all so complicated. We must rest in God's sovereignty over this. It's God's plan, God's man, and God's timing.

If not based on godliness, "He's too good for me" might be based on giftedness. It was for me. I just thought that this guy was so gifted, and knew he was faithfully using his gift at church, and thought that made him better than me. But Meredith reminded me that first of all, I've been gifted too and was also using my gifts to serve in the church. So that thinking was wrong. But even more than that, it was a wrong way to think because just as our sanctification comes from God, so do our gifts. That's why they're called GIFTS - they've been GIVEN to us. Just because two people have different gifts and use them differently doesn't mean that one is more gifted than the other - we all use our gifts differently because we have different gifts. She reminded me the reason for our gifts - to serve, love, and obey God. Our spiritual gifts are for the edification of the church, but ultimately they're about God and His glory. They aren't about us.

So friends, I thought I'd just share this with you in case you think this way. Never view another person as too good for you, because we (believers) are all sinners saved by grace. It's not beneficial for you personally to think this way. But even more importantly, it shows a misunderstanding of God and His work in our lives. If you really believe that everything is about Him, you have to allow Him to permeate every area of your life, including this one.

Hello! In case anyone was wondering, I didn't abandon this blog! I know that it's been over a month since I've written a post (aside from quotes I'd found). There have been several ideas swirling around in my head about things I could write, but none have truly taken form quite yet. I will be back soon with a post. And because it's summer, I plan to be able to write a lot. Though I go to a Christian college with Bible classes, 3 chapels a week, and a solid Bible-teaching church during the school year, it seems like sometimes I learn even more over the summer. Some of the times of my most intense learning have been in lazy summer days, so I hope to write a lot about all the things that the Lord teaches me.

"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love-that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though ‘legions of angels’ might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us-not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." Elisabeth Elliot

Quotes

"It is mercy that our lives are not left for us to plan, but that our Father chooses for us; else might we sometimes turn away from our best blessings, and put from us the choicest loveliest gifts of His providence." Susannah Spurgeon


"As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you." CS Lewis


"There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us." Richard Sibbes


"When you don't know what to do next, just do the thing in front of you." Elisabeth Elliot


"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open." Corrie ten Boom

Waiting (Again)

Okay, I'm going to be pretty honest here. I try to balance not airing all my dirty laundry with being honest about what I'm struggling through because I learn a lot through struggling. But this here is pretty personal. Lately, I've struggled massively with discontentment. I know that God has a plan for my life but I don't want to wait for His timing. I think (wrongly) that I really know better what I need than He does, and that I should get what I think I deserve when I want it. Trust me, I know what I truly deserve (hell) and I DON'T want that. But somehow I always think I deserve more than what I've been given and that God is unkind to withhold what I want from me. My journal is full of all that has been going through my mind lately, and it's not pretty - I am really struggling with being content. But I just allow myself to passively struggle rather than fight this sin.

But God is so good. He is so kind. He takes our struggles and helps us fight our sin. It's not something that we can't help. Yes, fighting sin is hard, but it is a battle and it is something we must be active about, not passive. I had a really good conversation with Courtney tonight and she shared a couple really good quotes with me and I was also reminded of one I found last summer. It's probably somewhere posted on my blog, but I think it is worth a rewrite, so here is one of the ones she shared and then the other is from my blog.

"One of God's most effective ways to grow our faith is to stretch it. We don't learn to trust God by reading a book or listening to a great sermon. We learn to trust God by living out a real-life adventure with God and discovering for ourselves that He is worthy." Glynnis Whitwer

"Faith endures the disappointment, the hardships, and the heartaches of life by recognizing that all comes from the hand of Him who is too wise to err and too loving to be unkind. So long as we are occupied with any other object than God Himself, there will be neither rest for the heart, nor peace for the mind." AW Pink

The reason that I've been discontent with my life lately is because I've been occupied with things (especially ones I don't have), rather than God Himself. If I truly focused on Him and was content in Him and all that He is and all that He's given for me and done for me, then I wouldn't have a hard time. But instead, I try to find fulfillment in things other than God, and it's just never going to be enough. The only true satisfaction comes from Him, not from my circumstances or my possessions.  Here are two more quotes that have been helpful to me other times when I've struggled with waiting on God and His timing. (I think that waiting and discontentment are often linked because many times what we're discontent about is something that we know will probably come in the future, and we are just sick of waiting for it. Impatience and discontentment are related deep at the root, I believe.)

"...the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done." Elisabeth Elliot

 "Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands." Paul Tripp

 I really need to trust Him, because He is worthy of my trust, and He is so much wiser than I am! I see over and over how trustworthy He is, but still I fail to trust Him. I cannot wait for the day that faith becomes sight, because faith is hard!!

Pain and Suffering

Those words composing the title of this post have been a theme in my blog this school year, mainly last semester. It's been a rough school year, but God has used my pain (remember: He doesn't waste pain) to teach me so much. Once again, I'm writing with a heavy heart. Over the weekend (which was great, otherwise) I received some awful news. Someone who was very special to my little sister was in a car accident and he didn't make it. I'd never met him, so this post isn't about me and my pain, but about her.

My heart aches for my little sister, whom I love so much and want to protect from anything even slightly painful. I've struggled a little bit, wishing I could shield her from heartache like this, but also knowing that God had ordained both the moment Clark was born and also the moment he would die and He doesn't make mistakes. I struggle to find the balance between wanting my sister to never feel any pain and knowing that pain is something God uses to draw us closer to Him and show us how much we need Him. Everyone needs to be reminded of those things, and pain is a tool He uses for that end. So I know He will use her pain to grow her, but I still hate the thought of her hurting. Especially because we currently like 3000 miles away from each other and I can't even give her a hug.

If you think of her, please be praying for her as she faces tough days ahead. Also, pray for the Noonan family, who are mourning the loss of their 20-year-old son and brother. Thanks friends.

Something to Think About

Question from college group yesterday: Are you conforming to the Christian life, or to Christ Himself? More to come later!