He's Too Good for Me

"He's too good for me." I think this is something that all of us girls have all thought or vocalized at some point in our lives. I know that this is something that I have definitely thought before. When I was younger I based it on more shallow things like looks, social status, athleticism, etc. When I got to college and learned what's really valuable in relationships, it was based on godliness. There's one guy in particular that stands out as the one that I always thought was too good for me, because he's just the perfect guy (except not really) and I'm so not perfect. I was reading through my journal today because I finished it (!!!) and wanted to read everything I've learned throughout my time journaling. I got to a page that mentioned this very subject and stopped because I know it's something that many people struggle with so I decided to write about it.

This past school year has been an interesting one in the relationship department. I was single and not really looking but still kind of had my eyes on someone. He just seemed to be the best guy on campus. Definitely too good for me. Well, I always knew this thinking was flawed, but it wasn't until I talked to Meredith about it did I realize how and why it was. Thankfully, that was one of those conversations we had that I immediately went back to my room and journaled about, because it sure did open my eyes to my wrong thinking, so I'm glad to have a written record of it.

The first reason this mindset is flawed: it doesn't take the Gospel into account. As believers, we are taught that none of us is good. Rom 3:10 says "as it is written, THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE" and Rom 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." None of us, left to our own devices, is good or does good. We can't because of our sin nature that has been with us our entire lives. Jesus Christ had to come die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin, freeing us from the power of sin and reconciling us to the holy God of the universe. Our righteousness is not our own - it's Christ's, because He lived a sinless life while He was on earth. "He's too good for me" is a lie because no one is good at all. The statement is fundamentally flawed.

The second reason this mindset is flawed: sanctification is not our own work. It's important to remember that our sanctification (becoming pure) is from God. We can't sanctify ourselves, rather it is grace God does in our lives. Yes, we read God's word to know and love Him more, and we obey His commandments, but He is the one who grows us in Christlikeness. We don't make ourselves more godly. God makes us godly. And if it's a work that God does in our lives, who are we to compare our godliness with someone else's and say that they're too good for us? Isn't that kind of like saying that God hasn't done enough in my life to allow compatibility or whatever with so-and-so? Knowing that God is in charge of our sanctification takes so much pressure off - we just obey Him and He works in our hearts to change us and make us more like Him. Believing someone is too good for us because they're more godly or more sanctified than we are is wrong because it assumes we make ourselves godly/sanctified.

The third reason this mindset is flawed: it sets everyone up for failure. Say Girl likes Guy and thinks he's just perfect. Well, when she finds out that Guy squeezes his toothpaste from the middle of the tube (almost unforgivable) and that he struggles with his temper, she's going to be majorly bummed. It stinks for Guy too, because he has this standard of perfection that he's supposed to meet. Because he's not perfect, he'll eventually be seen as less valuable to Girl, which is a bummer for him. Also, if Guy knew that Girl thought so highly of him, he might become prideful, forgetting that sanctification is God's work in his life, not his own. Everyone loses in this situation.

The fourth reason this mindset is flawed: it doesn't take into account God's sovereignty. God is in control over every aspect of our lives, yes? Psalm 103:19 says "The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all." The word used for "all" here means..."all" (ok, sorry...Christian college joke). I don't really want to get into the subject of is there just one person God has for us, or could we, by His grace, really spend the rest of our lives with just anyone who fits the requirements. But if God does have someone specific for us, thinking that someone is too good limits God (in our minds). If there's really someone that God has chosen for you or me, it doesn't matter how "good" or godly or whatever he is or I am, it'll happen. Also, if we think one person is too good for us, and then end up dating/marrying another person, is that saying that this guy isn't as good as the other one? It's all so complicated. We must rest in God's sovereignty over this. It's God's plan, God's man, and God's timing.

If not based on godliness, "He's too good for me" might be based on giftedness. It was for me. I just thought that this guy was so gifted, and knew he was faithfully using his gift at church, and thought that made him better than me. But Meredith reminded me that first of all, I've been gifted too and was also using my gifts to serve in the church. So that thinking was wrong. But even more than that, it was a wrong way to think because just as our sanctification comes from God, so do our gifts. That's why they're called GIFTS - they've been GIVEN to us. Just because two people have different gifts and use them differently doesn't mean that one is more gifted than the other - we all use our gifts differently because we have different gifts. She reminded me the reason for our gifts - to serve, love, and obey God. Our spiritual gifts are for the edification of the church, but ultimately they're about God and His glory. They aren't about us.

So friends, I thought I'd just share this with you in case you think this way. Never view another person as too good for you, because we (believers) are all sinners saved by grace. It's not beneficial for you personally to think this way. But even more importantly, it shows a misunderstanding of God and His work in our lives. If you really believe that everything is about Him, you have to allow Him to permeate every area of your life, including this one.

Hello! In case anyone was wondering, I didn't abandon this blog! I know that it's been over a month since I've written a post (aside from quotes I'd found). There have been several ideas swirling around in my head about things I could write, but none have truly taken form quite yet. I will be back soon with a post. And because it's summer, I plan to be able to write a lot. Though I go to a Christian college with Bible classes, 3 chapels a week, and a solid Bible-teaching church during the school year, it seems like sometimes I learn even more over the summer. Some of the times of my most intense learning have been in lazy summer days, so I hope to write a lot about all the things that the Lord teaches me.

"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love-that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though ‘legions of angels’ might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us-not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." Elisabeth Elliot

Quotes

"It is mercy that our lives are not left for us to plan, but that our Father chooses for us; else might we sometimes turn away from our best blessings, and put from us the choicest loveliest gifts of His providence." Susannah Spurgeon


"As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you." CS Lewis


"There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us." Richard Sibbes


"When you don't know what to do next, just do the thing in front of you." Elisabeth Elliot


"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open." Corrie ten Boom