Proverbs 29:5

Proverbs 29:5 - A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps.

I read this verse this morning and it immediately caught my eye. So many times we think of flattering people as a good thing, but Solomon (the writer of Proverbs) is saying that flattery spreads a net? What does this mean?

So I turned to the most handy Bible study tool that I know of - Blue Letter Bible. Meredith showed it to me last year and showed me how to use it, and I am now so grateful. One of the options it gives you is to read commentaries by different people on the chapter you're studying. I went to Matthew Henry's commentary on this verse and this is what it said (it's long, but please read it - so worth it):

Pro 29:5

Those may be said to flatter their neighbours who commend and applaud that good in them (the good they do or the good they have) which really either is not or is not such as they represent it, and who profess that esteem and that affection for them which really they have not; these spread a net for their feet. 1. For their neighbours’ feet, whom they flatter. They have an ill design in it; they would not praise them as they do but that they hope to make an advantage of them; and it is therefore wisdom to suspect those who flatter us, that they are secretly laying a snare for us, and to stand on our guard accordingly. Or it has an ill effect on those who are flattered; it puffs them up with pride, and makes them conceited and confident of themselves, and so proves a net that entangles them in sin. 2. For their own feet; so some understand it. He that flatters others, in expectation that they will return his compliments and flatter him, does but make himself ridiculous and odious even to those he flatters.

A. R. Fausset's commentary is short and to the point: "By misleading him as to his real character, the flatterer brings him to evil, prepared by himself or others."


So flattery is deceitful, misleads a man about his own character, is brought by selfish motives, and has an evil effect on the person being flattered.


This is not to say that complimenting people is wrong. It's talking about flattery that is misleading and born from selfishness. When you want to compliment someone make sure it is genuine and that it comes from a heart wanting to encourage the person, not in hopes of receiving a compliment in return. Also, something we've talked about a lot in my college group throughout my time at PBC is how easy it is to always compliment people on the outward things, to say things like "your hair/makeup/outfit/etc looks great today" all the time. But how often to we comment on the character of people? It's much easier to compliment someone's appearance rather than their integrity, honesty, servant's heart, Christ-likeness, trustworthiness, etc. That is really what we should be focusing on more, rather than vain [fleeting] things like appearance. If someone looks nice, go ahead and tell them. But make sure that you're more often complimenting people for what's on the inside, because that is what really matters. It is also more encouraging to the listener to hear something positive about their character than their appearance, because character comes from living a consistent life, while appearance changes every day.

Selfishness

Lately, I have noticed an over-abundance (I do not know if this is a word, but it is exactly the word needed here) of selfishness in my heart. Through many situations I have really seen how much I focus on myself and my own desires. When I feel as if my desires are not met, I complain. When I feel like I am privy to certain rights and others take them away, I'm just plain unpleasant to be around. I have also noticed other people's selfishness lately. I see theirs way more than I do my own. Of course. Because when other people act selfishly, it affects me negatively. So I, selfishly, am more bothered by their selfishness than my own. There have been times when I have gotten extremely frustrated with a person for their selfishness. Then, I realized that is a manifestation of my own selfishness. Ouch. If I wasn't so focused on myself and my wants and my needs and my rights etc. then I would not care as much when other people act selfishly toward me. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Then, today I was on Twitter and saw a quote by C.S. Lewis that totally sums this up perfectly: "The more pride we have, the more other people's pride irritates us." It was so convicting, and a perfect summary of what I've been learning lately. Tozer has an interesting point on the subject, too. He says, "The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed... The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest." Always "looking out for number one" is exhausting work! Here's what the Bible has to say about selfishness:

I Corinthians 13:5 -  "...[love] does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,"

Philippians 2:3-4 - "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

These are just a couple of the many places in God's word that He calls us to not be selfish. But, as always, it is not enough to only put off selfishness. As Philippians 2:3-4 points out, we must also put on humility. We often see humility as not bragging about our own accomplishments, and sometimes people see it as denying compliments they receive. The former is obviously pride, but so is the latter - it's called false humility. Being humble does not mean that if someone praises you for something that you have to say "No, I didn't do it that well" or whatever. C.S Lewis (yes, him again) says, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less," and "God is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him." Wow. Now those are food for thought. Humility is not having a low view of self, but rather, just not thinking about yourself. God is the perfect example of humility - how often are we willing to be in a relationship where we are pouring so much into it, and the other person is not? Not very often, if ever, that's for sure. But He is always willing to do just that to us, who refuse to show that same kindness to others.

Picking up where we left off in Philippians 2, the writer Paul goes on to give a beautiful picture of humility - "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant [slave], and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" v5-8. Wow. So, Jesus left heaven, where He was given the worship and adoration He is worthy of, and came to earth to live as a man for 33 years. As we all know, life is hard. He chose this hard life, leading up to the most painful death possible (crucifixion), and also the most humiliating, because it was that of a common criminal. He chose to do all this out of His obedience to the Father and love for us, but also out of His humility. He was not thinking of Himself and what He deserved while He was here on earth and during His death. He was thinking of us, who would later reject Him continually, even though we call ourselves His people. This is such a beautiful picture of humility. 

Jacqueline Heasley summed all of this up really well when she said, "The man, full of himself, can never proclaim the Christ who emptied Himself."

I'd encourage anyone who reads this to take a look at your own heart. Look for areas of pride/selfishness in your own life, because I guarantee they're there. This is something everyone needs to work on, myself (definitely) included. Please pray for me as I fight this sin in my life, and feel free to keep me accountable  by asking how it's going or what I've been doing to fight it.

Hope you all have a wonderful evening. :)

When Trials Come

This semester has been a time of testing for me, for sure. It seems as if I've been hit with hard things from all sides. In it, I see so much of God's goodness and don't wish any of my problems away, because I know He's teaching me so much through them.

Today in OT, Abner talked about how, for once, he had his phone with him in class. Unfortunately, it was because he was anticipating the possibility of a call of bad news - his wife is currently in the hospital, with complications with her pregnancy. Then he started talking about why God allows trials in our lives. Tests come not because He doesn't know how we will respond or where our heart is, but to show us where our hearts are.  He compared it to classes - he could sit down and chat with us for a while and figure out how much of the material we know, but a test shows us how much of the material we know. He said that trials show if we have the right frame of mind or not. They bring out what matters to us and what we love first.

I thought this was so profound. I've always tried to figure it out, because I knew that tests show where are hearts are but I also knew that God already knows that. I didn't understand that tests are to show US where we are. I thought this was super interesting.

James 1:2-4, 12 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing...Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."

Ultimately, the purpose for every trial is our sanctification. When your faith is tested, and you see your reliance on the Lord and what He's taught you, it produces endurance (verse 2), because you know it will end, and you know it was best for you. And as verse 12 points out, perseverance brings blessing. This is such a great thing to know! So anytime you are encountering trials [which you WILL - it's been said that either you're just coming out of a trial, are currently in one, or are about to be in one - they're inevitable], remember this passage and the comfort and hope it brings! Also, listen to this song :)