Pursuing God in Singleness

[Warning: my "o" key decided to be temperamental a few days ago so if any words are missing one, don't be surprised.]

Last week sweet Erin announced that she would be involved in a mini series called Ablaze with a few other blogs. They talked about how to pursue Christ in singleness (Annie #1), while dating (Nicole, on breaking up and readjusting to the single life (Erin), and in marriage (Annie #2). It was a very good series and I appreciated the transparency each shared. While maintaining that they had not yet arrived, they gave practical advice and tips on pursuing Christ in the midst of whatever stage they're in. Today, they're providing a linkup for anyone to share how they're pursuing Christ in their own season of life.

I could go on and tell you all about the long saga that is my love life, but that is beside the point. What I can say is that I have learned through both success and failure how to pursue my relationship with God through each season described, excluding marriage. But right now, I'm single, so that's going to be my focus. 

There are many things I've learned through my singleness, especially in the past year. I have not always enjoyed being single, and it doesn't help that I'm about to be a senior at a small Christian college and my "ring by spring" is nowhere in sight. (Now, I never expected to graduate engaged, I'm just stating the stereotype. Many people do graduate engaged or married, so many of my friends are in that stage.) But lately, this summer especially, I have learned to not only accept my singleness, but to really embrace it and thank God for it. Here are some practical ways I've learned to pursue Christ in my singleness. They might all apply in every season, but work uniquely in each one.

1. Spend alone time with God. This is obvious, but it's central, and without it everything else would be pointless. As Christians, it's important to learn that our relationship with God is not just a part of our life. It IS our life. My wise-beyond-her-years friend in high school explained that life is like a wheel: God should be at the center of the wheel and everything else in our life should be a spoke that comes from our relationship with Him. Spending time in His Word, getting to know His character and growing in our knowledge of Him all yield the most important thing: loving Him. We also need to be spending time in prayer regularly. Talk to Him, ask Him to help you in certain things and pray for others. But remember to thank Him for His blessings and praise Him for who He is. 

2. Get involved in your church. Again, obvious, and important in every season. But while you're single, the truth is, you just have more time. Use it for furthering God's kingdom. I Corinthians 7:32-34a says, "But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided." It goes on to describe the same thing for women, too. Right now, as single people, we are free to be only concerned about the things of the Lord, but once we're married it will change. So get involved! Do you like kids? Teach Sunday school, become an Awana leader, or do VBS. Do you like to learn from older women and encourage younger women? Become involved in women's ministry, maybe a women's Bible study. Are you a behind the scenes person? See if the church office needs help folding a stuffing bulletins. Prepare the Communion elements whenever your church observes it. Volunteer to clean the church kitchen. Speaking of kitchens, if you have one, occasionally make meals for someone who's sick or just had a baby. Whatever your gifts may be, use them to serve God and serve your brothers and sisters in Christ.

3. Get wisdom. Talk to older ladies, married or unmarried. Learn from them. Learn how they pursued Christ while they were single. Get a realistic view on what it's like to be married. If you've read my blog before, you may know that I'm being discipled by an awesome lady named Meredith. We were connected through our church, but she lives on campus because her husband is a men's dorm RD. She has given me so much sound, practical advice, whether I'm single or dating someone.She's also shown me by example some of the struggles involved when you are married and have a two-year-old daughter (who is just the cutest thing!). She never complains or says anything bad about her husband or daughter. But I can see that my own romanticized view of marriage/parenting was skewed and not realistic. Yes, it is great and it's fun at times, but it's not always fun and games. Realizing that once you're married and start having kids life isn't just peachy and easy all the time has definitely helped me in my own contentment in this season of singleness.

4. Talk about it. Share with your peers your own thoughts on singleness. Share with them why you love it and why you dislike it, at times. Listen to their own likes and dislikes of it. I'm not saying to complain. Complaining never helps. But share with others what about singleness makes you struggle. This past semester I lived with my friend and her family, and it was great! There were times when I was struggling with contentment in singleness. When I'd share it with my friend, she would give me advice and share verses or quotes that had helped her when she'd struggled with the same thing. But make sure you reflect on why you enjoy it and share that too, because you never know who can be benefited by that.

5. Chase contentment. That word keeps popping up, but it's crucial. Be content. Remember who is in control? God, who is always good and kind. He has you in whatever season you're in because that's what's best for you right now. That sounds cliche, but don't let it be cliche, believe it to be true. He is wise and His ways are way better than ours, even if we don't think so at the time. Remember that God is the Giver of gifts - He has saved you from the power of sin, made you right with Him even though He's holy (!!), and given you eternal life. You probably have a roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes in your body. You may have great friends and family, a job, a computer (at least access to one), etc. He gives us so much yet we always want more. Learn contentment now, while single. Because when you're dating you're going to want marriage. When you're married, you're going to want kids. When your family outgrows your house, you'll want a bigger one. The list goes on. The thing is to be content at ALL times, because there's always something we want. We might as well learn it now.

6. Remember this verse. "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord gives grace and glory, no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly" Psalm 84:11. If you're walking with Him, and you don't have something, then it must not be good for you! Because if something is good for you, He wouldn't withhold it.

These are just a few things that have helped me while I'm single. I know I'm young and have a lot to learn, but I hope that by God's grace something I said may help someone else. I'm so thankful to the hosts and for their words and the chance to share my own two cents. 

To The Cross I Cling

"No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in Your sight
The best I have to offer are these filthy rags and yet You love me.

All things in me call for my rejection; all things in You plead my acceptance.

I am guilty, but pardoned; by grace I've been set free.
I am ransomed through the blood You shed for me.
I was dead in my transgressions, but life you brought to me.
I am reconciled through mercy; to the cross I cling, to the cross I cling.

No more I am a slave to sin but bought with a price
Redemption that was purchased through the blessed cross that You bore for me.

All in things in me call for my rejection; all things in You plead my acceptance.

I am guilty, but pardoned; by grace I've been set free.
I am ransomed through the blood You shed for me.
I was dead in my transgressions, but life you brought to me
I am reconciled through mercy; to the cross I cling, to the cross I cling.

The cross is where I find death, is find where I find life, where mercy found me.
All things in me call for my rejection; all things in You plead my acceptance.

I am guilty, but pardoned; by grace I've been set free.
I am ransomed through the blood You shed for me.
I was dead in my transgressions, but life you brought to me
I am reconciled through mercy; to the cross I cling, to the cross I cling."

-To The Cross I Cling by The Village Church

This song has made an incredible impact in my life. Based off of a prayer from the Valley of Vision, "The Broken Heart", it succinctly states many truths Christians hold dear:
-Every day we prove we deserve death
-Nothing in us - even our best - is worthy of God
-He loves us anyway
-Everything inside of me shows that God should reject me
-Everything in Him accepts me, because Christ paid the debt on my behalf
-I AM guilty, but I've been pardoned anyway!
-His blood on the cross bought my freedom
-I was dead in my sin but He brought me life
-Through God's mercy I am now right with Him!

Because of all of these things that were accomplished by God at the cross, I cling (hold tight) to it. From the cross and the work completed on it, the price for my sins has been paid. Though God is a merciful, gracious, loving God, He is holy and just. His justice demands payments for my sins. But His mercy enables us to be reconciled -before, I was not right with God, but now we have a right relationship, for when He looks at me He sees the righteousness of Jesus Christ. This is why I cling to the cross - it reminds me what I once was, who God is, and who I now am because of the kindness of God. May we never forget these truths or allow them to become mundane, but rather cling to the cross.

(Find this song, listen to it, memorize it, get it stuck in your head.)

The Broken Heart {Valley of Vision}

"O Lord,
No day of my life has passed that has not
    proved me guilty in thy sight.
Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
Praise has been often praiseless sound;
My best services are filthy rags.
Blessed Jesus let me find  covert in thy appeasing wounds.
Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
    thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
All things in me call for my rejection,
All things in thee plead my acceptance.
I appeal from the throne of perfect justice
    to thy throne of boundless grace.
Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
    that by thy stripes I am healed,
    that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
    that thou hast been made sin for me
    that I might be righteous in thee,
    that my grievous sins, my manifold sins
      are all forgiven,
    buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.
I am guilty, but pardoned,
    lost, but saved,
    wandering, but found,
    sinning, but cleansed.
Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
Keep me always clinging to thy cross,
Flood me every moment with descending grace,
Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
    sparkling like crystal,
    flowing clear and unsullied
    through my wilderness of life."

My Hope is in The Lord

This song has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to be raised in a hymn singin' church. Though we don't only exclusively sing hymns, I knew what a hymnal was from a very young age and held one in my hands every Sunday. This was always one of my favorites. I love that it lays out the full gospel. It was written by Norman Clayton and once you recognize what true hope is, the lyrics become that much richer.

My hope is in the Lord

Who gave Himself for me

And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary.

[Chorus]

For me, He died

For me, He lives

And everlasting life and light He freely gives.

No merit of my own

His anger to suppress

My only hope is found in Jesus' righteousness.

And now for me He stands

Before the Father's throne

He shows His wounded hands and names me as His own.

His grace has planned it all

'Tis mine but to receive

And recognize His work of love and Christ believe.

Contentment

Contentment is something that everyone struggles with - if you don't, please tell me your secret! I know that I have struggled with contentment once or twice... Okay maybe a lot more than that. I am not writing this because I feel like I have achieved this. I am writing it because I know that it is something that I struggle with constantly and so other people probably do too. Before I get too into it, I want to define what it means to be contented, because I think it may be helpful to make sure we all are on the completely same page.

Contented: feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation (Merriam-Webster Dictionary App); satisfied with what God has given you right now, not needing, longing for, or expecting anything more or different (my own definition).

To give you an idea of some areas where people are discontent I thought I'd make a list. Not all of these things apply to me, but many of them do:

• Money. The idea that no matter how much money you have, it's not enough. 
• Status. Wanting more people to like you, craving admiration, needing everyone to see your value.
• Friends. Thinking that you don't have enough friends, or friends that do enough on weekends, or that your friendships are too shallow/deep/boring/joy-deprived, etc.
• Family. Knowing that all families are weird and have problems but wishing yours was less weird or had fewer problems (trust me - even the families that seem to be perfect, aren't)
• Job. It's a hard economy, I get that. But every job has its own set of pros and cons. Many people are underpaid. There aren't a lot of jobs out there for college grads - or anyone else, for that matter. 
• Relationships. "If I just had a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, all my problems wouldn't be so bad." Thinking you won't be lonely anymore and that you'll always something to do or someone to talk to, if only you just had someone.
• School. "School is boring." "Classes suck." "I have way too much homework and never get to sleep." "My GPA isn't what I want it to be."
• Possessions. Wanting a newer/better/faster everything. Wanting more. 
• Clothes. "I don't have anything to wear." "If only I had more options, getting dressed would be either."
• Appearance. The idea that you have to fix or hide every single flaw, never embracing the looks that God gave you. Focusing too much on the outside and not enough on the inside.
• Food. I'm in college and I know that cafeterias aren't exactly the place to get a gourmet, fully balanced fat-free vegan meal (is that combo possible?). Sometimes nothing tastes good. But God still provided a meal for you and it's important to be grateful.

These are just a few examples of things people are discontent in. Not all of these things are wrong across the board, for example, it's okay to look at your GPA and not be content because you know you can do way better if you just try. I'm not saying that it's always wrong to want a job, or know that you need to make a few more bucks to make ends meet this month, or knowing that your friends are doing more harm than good for your spiritual life, or whatever. But I think you can spot the difference if you try. Contentment is a heart thing.

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled, and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-3.

Paul, who wrote this book to the Philippians, sure knew how to be content. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it was a letter that he wrote to the church in Philippi while he was in jail. Wait - did I just say that? This guy, who says that he has "learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am", wrote that while he was in jail? While his basic human rights and freedoms we Americans fight so hard to keep were stripped from him? Huh. How then is this possible? Well, we see it in verse 13 - his contentment is possible because he "can do all things through [God] who strengthens" him. This verse is often taken out of context to mean that I can do whatever I put my mind to because God will make it possible. Maybe He does make seemingly impossible things happen, but that's not necessarily what this verse is promising. This verse says that those who look to Christ for the strength to be content can find it. Paul says that he was content both when he had a lot and when he had almost nothing. 

Some things to remember about contentment:

• Sometimes we are not supposed to be content. But the list is short - we are never to be content in our sin, in our knowledge of God, in our pursuit of holiness, and things like that. It's okay to always want to work harder to be a better employee/boss/friend/sibling/daughter/son/whatever.
• Wanting something doesn't necessarily mean you aren't content. It's okay that sometimes I see something and want it, even for a couple months, as long as I don't believe that I need it to be complete, or think that without it I am of less value. It's okay to want things in the future, like marriage, kids, and a home, but if that is your focus and you think you won't be happy or whole until you have those things, you have become discontent.
• Don't mistake contentment for an excuse to be lazy. It's not okay to be content with not trying something because you think God will work it out for you. You need to put full effort into things and be content with the results.
• Contentment is not based on circumstances. No matter how much you have, if you are discontented, you will always need more. That's why people pursue things so heartily sometimes, because they think that just a little bit more will be all they need. But are these people satisfied? No, because in their heart is discontentment. True contentment is like Paul's - content with everything and with nothing.
• The ability to be content comes from no other source than God Himself. Knowing who you are in Him, knowing what He's done for you on the cross and what He does for you every day of your life, and knowing that He is in control and has a plan helps. But when you still struggle, all you have to do is ask. "...You do not have because you do not ask." James 3:2. If you ask for help, God will give it to you!
• When you struggle being content, count your blessings. Seriously. Think about every single thing that you have been blessed with - I know that once I start, it's hard to stop! Then remember who has given you those things and thank Him for it.

Here are some quotes I found related to this subject:

• "Until we truly learn that God is sovereign, ordering everything for His own holy purposes and the ultimate good of those who love Him, we can’t help but be discontent. That’s because in taking on the responsibility of ordering our lives, we will be frustrated in repeatedly discovering that we can’t control everything. Everything already is under control, however, by Someone far greater than you or I." John MacArthur (found here - read the whole thing if you get a chance!)
• "Teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and firm conviction that your will governs all." Elisabeth Elliot
• "Don't let comparison steal your joy."
• "Start each day with a grateful heart."
• "Gratitude turns what we have into enough."
• "Someone else is happy with less than what you have."