Struggles

The more I learn about myself, the more I see how sinful I am.
I struggle to be selfless.
I struggle to think often about God and things that are eternal.
I struggle to have only righteous anger.
I struggle to be content.
I struggle to be diligent and disciplined.
I struggle to focus on what matters and forget about what doesn't.
I struggle to not be passive aggressive.

The important thing, though, is to not just let myself struggle. I need to fight my sin. (Wisdom of Jake Ebner obtained second hand). Killing sin is part of dying to self - Paul even said "I die daily" (I Corinthians 15:31). The good news: we can have victory over our sin! And...though it is usually difficult, and it is often hard work to fight our sin nature, it's not a pointless fight. "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord." (I Corinthians 15:56-58).

The Wait is Over!

In my last post (here), I talked about how I was waiting for something could happen, and my hands were pretty much tied until I got the news. Well, soon after posting it, I got my answer! I didn't want to say anything until I knew one way or the other, and until most of my friends knew, but I am living off campus with the wonderful Brooks family this semester. I didn't know for sure until 4 o'clock of move-in day, and felt helpless, because I didn't know whether I should move my stuff (from break) at the Brooks' to the dorm, or everything else from my dorm to the Brooks'. It was not a super pleasant feeling, and I learned that I do not like not having control. But you know what? I'm thankful for my wait. I am thankful that God gave me an opportunity to totally lean on Him, and trust that He had a plan. Until 4 o'clock that day, I did not know where I'd be sleeping that night. But I did know that God is good, and that either way He was in control, and either way I'd at least have somewhere to sleep. It's not until you're forced to trust Him that you see how much you actually do trust Him. It's like I talked about learning in class with Abner Chou a few months ago (here). Trials come, not because God wants to know where our hearts are (because He already knows), but to show us where we are. You can either let yourself grow anxious, fearful, angry, etc. when trials come, or you can choose to fight those and trust in the all-knowing, all-powerful Creator of the universe. My advice is to place your trust in God, because it pleases Him, and only then will you find the peace and solace you need.

Waiting

Right now I am waiting for information that affects the rest of this semester. I can't do anything until I get the call/email. It's been a difficult wait. I'm struggling with patience - I know God already has a plan and that whatever the outcome is will a) glorify Him and b) be best for me. But the not knowing...it's tough. I am leaning on my faith and trust in my sovereign Creator. And that's not such a bad place to be, at all. Be anxious is not going to help. As my wise dad said to me yesterday, uncertainty should not cause worry. So I'm doing my best not to worry, and trying to focus on trusting God. He is so good. Even in this time of waiting, I am thankful because I know that in the end I will come out more refined than before. Earlier I remembered that last semester I kept seeing quotes about waiting, and because I could not stop thinking about the subject, I wrote a blog post about it (on my other blog). The funny thing is when I wrote it, I wasn't thinking about waiting for anything in particular; I was only thinking about the general concept. And now that I have this wait I'm kind of struggling through, I can look back and see what I had written. It's funny looking through my own blog and finding strength and comfort in the words I find there. But that's just one of the cool ways God works! Here are the two quotes I put in that post in case you don't read the actual post.

...the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done. - Elisabeth Elliot in Passion and Purity

Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands. - Paul Tripp 

This song is currently on repeat:
"Behold our God
Seated on His throne
Come let us adore Him
Behold our King
Nothing can compare
Come let us adore Him"
-Behold Our God, Sovereign Grace Music

Sorry if any of this is mixed up or confusing, I'm trying to battle with my emotions at the moment.

Found this

I'm following Rick Holland on twitter, so I found this blog post he wrote today. Now, I'm not his son - let alone, a male - and I'm not sixteen, so not all of this directly applies to me. But there were so many great pieces of advice in here that I just had to share. Enjoy!

Self-Knowledge {Valley of Vision}

Searcher of hearts,
It is a good day to me when thou givest me a glimpse of myself;
Sin is my greatest evil, but thou art my greatest good;
I have cause to loathe myself, and not to seek self-honour, for no one desires to commend his own dunghill.
My country, family, church fare worse because of my sins,
for sinners bring judgment in thinking sins are small, or that God is not angry with them.

Let me not take other good men as my example,
and think I am good because I am like them,
For all good men are not so good as thou desirest,
are not always consistent, do not always follow holiness, do not feel eternal good in sore affliction.

Show me how to know when a thing is evil which I think is right and good,
how to know when what is lawful comes from an evil principle,
such as desire for reputation or wealth by usury.

Give me grace to recall my needs,
my lack of knowing thy will in Scripture,
of wisdom to guide others,
of daily repentance, want of which keeps thee at bay,
of the spirit of prayer, having words without love,
of zeal for thy glory, seeking my own ends,
of joy in thee and thy will,
of love to others.
And let me not lay my pipe too short of the fountain,
never touching the eternal spring, never drawing down water from above.


Read this prayer this morning and was humbled by it. I hope that the truths in this prayer humble you too.

Quotes

"If we are not content with what we have, we will never be content with what we want." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

"Hurry is a place of life that is seldom conducive to godliness, to relationships, to anything that ultimately matters to us." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

"Repenting is telling Christ exactly why you need Him." David Osborne

"Rom Coms"

This article written by Betsy Hart sums up exactly why I have been taking a break from romantic comedies and similar things. (Though I will admit I have listened to several Lady Antebellum songs I previously omitted from regular use - and am back to taking my break from them). If you can, I would encourage you to read the entire post. 

Here are some highlights (note: she refers to these movies as romantic pornography in the title and the body of the post):

"Just as sexual pornography twists an understanding for men about real women’s bodies and sexual appetites, so romantic pornography twists the perception for women about real men and how they “ought” to behave toward women, which tends to amount to, well, behaving like a woman. "

"Scripture is clear that the ultimate bridegroom jealously pursues his bride, the church. In fact romantic pornography has a ring of truth to it, which is one reason it is powerful."

"C. S. Lewis addressed the issue so well in his essay on chivalry:

The medieval knight brought together two things which have no natural tendency to gravitate toward one another. It brought them together for that very reason. It taught humility and forbearance to the great warrior because everyone knew by experience how much he usually needed that lesson. It demanded valor of the urbane and modest man because everyone knew that he was as likely as not to be a milksop.

In other words boys and men may need to be civilized, but never feminized."

Romantic comedies and the like place unrealistic expectations on men. Expecting a man to basically act like a woman is expecting him to act differently than the way he was wired. Women expect their men to have both ultra masculine qualities and feminine qualities, and they just aren't wired like that. I like what Hart said - they should "be civilized, but never feminized". They may not have fifteen different emotions that they want to discuss with you, and you have to be okay with that. Your boyfriend is just that - a boyfriend, not your best girlfriend to have spa days with. Expecting him to be he isn't is a) going to hurt you in the end, and b) unfair to him. God created each person to bear His image - don't try to change him (except, obviously, this does not mean that we accept sin). Let him be a man, the way he was created to be!

The other danger with "rom coms" I have mentioned previously (here) is the expectation it puts on men for pursuit. In movies, the female character doesn't just play hard to get, she is hard to get - almost impossible in fact. But also in movies, the male character will stop at nothing to get her affections! If he has to chase her on his motorcycle and stop her cab driver from taking her to the airport when she's about to move (How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, he will. If he has to denounce his "player" ways and admit he's "whipped", he will (John Tucker Must Die). If he has to woo her by his Southern ways and remind her (without words) that she won't find love with her current fiance like she did with him, he will (Sweet Home Alabama). I could keep going. 

The reality is yes, guys may like a challenge, but if they perceive that they have no chance, they will move on. The common consensus among the ladies of The Master's College is that the men need to step it up, ask more girls out, relax a little bit and just ask someone out without needing to know if she's "the one" first, etc. I've heard all of those many times, and have said them myself. But often the girls aren't aware of the reason why it's hard for them to do those things - they have been rejected too many times. They don't want to risk it happening again. (Now I'm not going to go into whose side is right or wrong. I'm just stating the facts.) The bummer is that often when a girl is seemingly rejecting a guy, she is just trying to get him to try harder, like the guys in romantic comedies.

Now, I am not saying that I think romantic comedies are bad. They can be fun, in moderation. I definitely enjoy a good chick flick. I am just saying that they aren't reality.

So girls, here are my suggestions:

• When you watch movies like this, be careful to not get wrapped up in false ideas of what guys are/should be. Remember to be realistic. Remember these movies are fiction.
• Don't get jaded and think "no guys are romantic", "love doesn't exist" or other things like that. There are real, true love stories out there, stories who are written by none other than God Himself, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe!
• If you want, try and take a break from romantic comedies and love songs. It's very helpful!

Being Realistic When Unrealistic Expectations Are Thrown Your Way

I found a quote on Pinterest that says, "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our heads of how it's supposed to be." Now I won't go into the fact that that is probably not what messes us up the most, but the rest of it is true.

Growing up with the mind of a typical girl, Disney, Taylor Swift, chick flicks, country music, fairy tales, etc. was fun. It was always interesting to think about the future and what it would be like to have a boyfriend or husband or to be in love. And of course, these things were always discussed with my girlfriends. We made lists of our ideal future husbands and talked about our ideas of what love and marriage were like. We believed that life would be perfect, or at least complete, if we finally had all of those things we had desired when we were younger.

Then, my junior year of high school, it happened - I got a boyfriend. Life was GOOD. I loved having him in my life. We had so much fun and I was very happy to be with someone I liked so much. All of the love songs I had heard, all of the cheesy stereotypes of what "love" should be like...I thought they had all come true for me and the bf. But eventually reality set in. Neither of us were perfect - in fact, we were both sinners who often looked out for our own personal interests rather than the interests of others, as Philippians 2:4 exhorts. There were conflicts to address and problems to work through. Why had Disney never told me that being in a relationship would come with heartache and disappointments too? Why had no one mentioned that other girls might be interested in my boyfriend? Why did The Notebook make arguing look romantic, rather than difficult and hurtful? Where were the stories about how intimidating it felt like to meet his friends or extended family? Why hadn't anyone said that you might still feel lonely at times, even when in a relationship? How are you supposed to know that months after a breakup you could still feel the loss? No one had ever warned me about these things! Yes, dating was great, and I don't want to sound like it wasn't. It was full of good times. But there were so many things that had been left out of it to give me and other girls a full picture of what it was like. Until my first relationship with a guy, I had no idea what it was really like.

Relationships aren't perfect because people aren't perfect. But so often girls are caught up in the trap of thinking, "If I just had a boyfriend, _________ would be easier" or "If I were in love, the pain of _________ would be so much less". Your problems will not end the moment you say "I do". As women, many of us have been thinking about our weddings since the age of five, mainly focusing on the man who would meet us at the end of the altar. We often just know that if we were married, we would be content/less lonely/happier/complete...the list goes on and on. I know I have thought like this before, and I know many other ladies who do/have. A problem with this is that our sin does not go away overnight. Discontentment, loneliness, etc, are often rooted in deeper things, such as not believing that God is enough. If you cannot find God to be enough before you're married, you won't be able to after, either. You must fight against your flesh and find your identity and sufficiency in Christ. The other problem with this is it's the same thing that happened in high school - I had idealized notions of what dating was like, and though there was truth in those notions, the harder things had been left out. Similarly, I can picture what marriage will be like all I want, but it probably won't be anything like that. Such is the danger of imagining things. We often set ourselves up for disappointment, hurt, and confusion.

One of the most dangerous things about this is not just idealizing the marriage, but idealizing the man. As I mentioned before, girls fantasize about what they want in a husband. Tall, dark, and handsome, strong, athletic, funny, gentleman, loves animals, loves kids, sensitive, makes a lot of money, hardworking, Christian, leader, writer, wise, charming, servant, good with technology, musician, wants to be (or is) a missionary/soldier/doctor/firefighter/whatever, avid reader, smart, kind, generous, humble...I think you get the picture. While many of these are good to look for, and some I personally consider non-negotiable, we have to remember to be realistic. No man exists who holds all of these qualities all the time. We also must keep the main thing, the main thing. Focus on his heart and who he is, rather than the externals. Meredith has told me countless times that she is so glad she married Jake, because he is such a kind and humble man. She warns against marrying, and even dating, men who are not characterized by these qualities, because they are crucial.

Don't get so wrapped up in your own idea of what you want in a man, that you miss the truly important things. Don't get so wrapped up in your idealistic views of marriage that you forget that there are struggles in marriage too. Talk to married people about what marriage is really like. Have realistic expectations. Learn contentment now. Learn to live life to the fullest, whatever your circumstances. Be grounded in God and His word. Ask Him to line your thoughts up with His. Find your identity and joy in Him. "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness" (Matt 6:33).