"Rom Coms"

This article written by Betsy Hart sums up exactly why I have been taking a break from romantic comedies and similar things. (Though I will admit I have listened to several Lady Antebellum songs I previously omitted from regular use - and am back to taking my break from them). If you can, I would encourage you to read the entire post. 

Here are some highlights (note: she refers to these movies as romantic pornography in the title and the body of the post):

"Just as sexual pornography twists an understanding for men about real women’s bodies and sexual appetites, so romantic pornography twists the perception for women about real men and how they “ought” to behave toward women, which tends to amount to, well, behaving like a woman. "

"Scripture is clear that the ultimate bridegroom jealously pursues his bride, the church. In fact romantic pornography has a ring of truth to it, which is one reason it is powerful."

"C. S. Lewis addressed the issue so well in his essay on chivalry:

The medieval knight brought together two things which have no natural tendency to gravitate toward one another. It brought them together for that very reason. It taught humility and forbearance to the great warrior because everyone knew by experience how much he usually needed that lesson. It demanded valor of the urbane and modest man because everyone knew that he was as likely as not to be a milksop.

In other words boys and men may need to be civilized, but never feminized."

Romantic comedies and the like place unrealistic expectations on men. Expecting a man to basically act like a woman is expecting him to act differently than the way he was wired. Women expect their men to have both ultra masculine qualities and feminine qualities, and they just aren't wired like that. I like what Hart said - they should "be civilized, but never feminized". They may not have fifteen different emotions that they want to discuss with you, and you have to be okay with that. Your boyfriend is just that - a boyfriend, not your best girlfriend to have spa days with. Expecting him to be he isn't is a) going to hurt you in the end, and b) unfair to him. God created each person to bear His image - don't try to change him (except, obviously, this does not mean that we accept sin). Let him be a man, the way he was created to be!

The other danger with "rom coms" I have mentioned previously (here) is the expectation it puts on men for pursuit. In movies, the female character doesn't just play hard to get, she is hard to get - almost impossible in fact. But also in movies, the male character will stop at nothing to get her affections! If he has to chase her on his motorcycle and stop her cab driver from taking her to the airport when she's about to move (How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, he will. If he has to denounce his "player" ways and admit he's "whipped", he will (John Tucker Must Die). If he has to woo her by his Southern ways and remind her (without words) that she won't find love with her current fiance like she did with him, he will (Sweet Home Alabama). I could keep going. 

The reality is yes, guys may like a challenge, but if they perceive that they have no chance, they will move on. The common consensus among the ladies of The Master's College is that the men need to step it up, ask more girls out, relax a little bit and just ask someone out without needing to know if she's "the one" first, etc. I've heard all of those many times, and have said them myself. But often the girls aren't aware of the reason why it's hard for them to do those things - they have been rejected too many times. They don't want to risk it happening again. (Now I'm not going to go into whose side is right or wrong. I'm just stating the facts.) The bummer is that often when a girl is seemingly rejecting a guy, she is just trying to get him to try harder, like the guys in romantic comedies.

Now, I am not saying that I think romantic comedies are bad. They can be fun, in moderation. I definitely enjoy a good chick flick. I am just saying that they aren't reality.

So girls, here are my suggestions:

• When you watch movies like this, be careful to not get wrapped up in false ideas of what guys are/should be. Remember to be realistic. Remember these movies are fiction.
• Don't get jaded and think "no guys are romantic", "love doesn't exist" or other things like that. There are real, true love stories out there, stories who are written by none other than God Himself, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe!
• If you want, try and take a break from romantic comedies and love songs. It's very helpful!