The Broken Heart {Valley of Vision}

"O Lord,
No day of my life has passed that has not
    proved me guilty in thy sight.
Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
Praise has been often praiseless sound;
My best services are filthy rags.
Blessed Jesus let me find  covert in thy appeasing wounds.
Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
    thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
All things in me call for my rejection,
All things in thee plead my acceptance.
I appeal from the throne of perfect justice
    to thy throne of boundless grace.
Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
    that by thy stripes I am healed,
    that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
    that thou hast been made sin for me
    that I might be righteous in thee,
    that my grievous sins, my manifold sins
      are all forgiven,
    buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.
I am guilty, but pardoned,
    lost, but saved,
    wandering, but found,
    sinning, but cleansed.
Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
Keep me always clinging to thy cross,
Flood me every moment with descending grace,
Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
    sparkling like crystal,
    flowing clear and unsullied
    through my wilderness of life."

My Hope is in The Lord

This song has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to be raised in a hymn singin' church. Though we don't only exclusively sing hymns, I knew what a hymnal was from a very young age and held one in my hands every Sunday. This was always one of my favorites. I love that it lays out the full gospel. It was written by Norman Clayton and once you recognize what true hope is, the lyrics become that much richer.

My hope is in the Lord

Who gave Himself for me

And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary.

[Chorus]

For me, He died

For me, He lives

And everlasting life and light He freely gives.

No merit of my own

His anger to suppress

My only hope is found in Jesus' righteousness.

And now for me He stands

Before the Father's throne

He shows His wounded hands and names me as His own.

His grace has planned it all

'Tis mine but to receive

And recognize His work of love and Christ believe.

Contentment

Contentment is something that everyone struggles with - if you don't, please tell me your secret! I know that I have struggled with contentment once or twice... Okay maybe a lot more than that. I am not writing this because I feel like I have achieved this. I am writing it because I know that it is something that I struggle with constantly and so other people probably do too. Before I get too into it, I want to define what it means to be contented, because I think it may be helpful to make sure we all are on the completely same page.

Contented: feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation (Merriam-Webster Dictionary App); satisfied with what God has given you right now, not needing, longing for, or expecting anything more or different (my own definition).

To give you an idea of some areas where people are discontent I thought I'd make a list. Not all of these things apply to me, but many of them do:

• Money. The idea that no matter how much money you have, it's not enough. 
• Status. Wanting more people to like you, craving admiration, needing everyone to see your value.
• Friends. Thinking that you don't have enough friends, or friends that do enough on weekends, or that your friendships are too shallow/deep/boring/joy-deprived, etc.
• Family. Knowing that all families are weird and have problems but wishing yours was less weird or had fewer problems (trust me - even the families that seem to be perfect, aren't)
• Job. It's a hard economy, I get that. But every job has its own set of pros and cons. Many people are underpaid. There aren't a lot of jobs out there for college grads - or anyone else, for that matter. 
• Relationships. "If I just had a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, all my problems wouldn't be so bad." Thinking you won't be lonely anymore and that you'll always something to do or someone to talk to, if only you just had someone.
• School. "School is boring." "Classes suck." "I have way too much homework and never get to sleep." "My GPA isn't what I want it to be."
• Possessions. Wanting a newer/better/faster everything. Wanting more. 
• Clothes. "I don't have anything to wear." "If only I had more options, getting dressed would be either."
• Appearance. The idea that you have to fix or hide every single flaw, never embracing the looks that God gave you. Focusing too much on the outside and not enough on the inside.
• Food. I'm in college and I know that cafeterias aren't exactly the place to get a gourmet, fully balanced fat-free vegan meal (is that combo possible?). Sometimes nothing tastes good. But God still provided a meal for you and it's important to be grateful.

These are just a few examples of things people are discontent in. Not all of these things are wrong across the board, for example, it's okay to look at your GPA and not be content because you know you can do way better if you just try. I'm not saying that it's always wrong to want a job, or know that you need to make a few more bucks to make ends meet this month, or knowing that your friends are doing more harm than good for your spiritual life, or whatever. But I think you can spot the difference if you try. Contentment is a heart thing.

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled, and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-3.

Paul, who wrote this book to the Philippians, sure knew how to be content. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it was a letter that he wrote to the church in Philippi while he was in jail. Wait - did I just say that? This guy, who says that he has "learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am", wrote that while he was in jail? While his basic human rights and freedoms we Americans fight so hard to keep were stripped from him? Huh. How then is this possible? Well, we see it in verse 13 - his contentment is possible because he "can do all things through [God] who strengthens" him. This verse is often taken out of context to mean that I can do whatever I put my mind to because God will make it possible. Maybe He does make seemingly impossible things happen, but that's not necessarily what this verse is promising. This verse says that those who look to Christ for the strength to be content can find it. Paul says that he was content both when he had a lot and when he had almost nothing. 

Some things to remember about contentment:

• Sometimes we are not supposed to be content. But the list is short - we are never to be content in our sin, in our knowledge of God, in our pursuit of holiness, and things like that. It's okay to always want to work harder to be a better employee/boss/friend/sibling/daughter/son/whatever.
• Wanting something doesn't necessarily mean you aren't content. It's okay that sometimes I see something and want it, even for a couple months, as long as I don't believe that I need it to be complete, or think that without it I am of less value. It's okay to want things in the future, like marriage, kids, and a home, but if that is your focus and you think you won't be happy or whole until you have those things, you have become discontent.
• Don't mistake contentment for an excuse to be lazy. It's not okay to be content with not trying something because you think God will work it out for you. You need to put full effort into things and be content with the results.
• Contentment is not based on circumstances. No matter how much you have, if you are discontented, you will always need more. That's why people pursue things so heartily sometimes, because they think that just a little bit more will be all they need. But are these people satisfied? No, because in their heart is discontentment. True contentment is like Paul's - content with everything and with nothing.
• The ability to be content comes from no other source than God Himself. Knowing who you are in Him, knowing what He's done for you on the cross and what He does for you every day of your life, and knowing that He is in control and has a plan helps. But when you still struggle, all you have to do is ask. "...You do not have because you do not ask." James 3:2. If you ask for help, God will give it to you!
• When you struggle being content, count your blessings. Seriously. Think about every single thing that you have been blessed with - I know that once I start, it's hard to stop! Then remember who has given you those things and thank Him for it.

Here are some quotes I found related to this subject:

• "Until we truly learn that God is sovereign, ordering everything for His own holy purposes and the ultimate good of those who love Him, we can’t help but be discontent. That’s because in taking on the responsibility of ordering our lives, we will be frustrated in repeatedly discovering that we can’t control everything. Everything already is under control, however, by Someone far greater than you or I." John MacArthur (found here - read the whole thing if you get a chance!)
• "Teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and firm conviction that your will governs all." Elisabeth Elliot
• "Don't let comparison steal your joy."
• "Start each day with a grateful heart."
• "Gratitude turns what we have into enough."
• "Someone else is happy with less than what you have."

He's Too Good for Me

"He's too good for me." I think this is something that all of us girls have all thought or vocalized at some point in our lives. I know that this is something that I have definitely thought before. When I was younger I based it on more shallow things like looks, social status, athleticism, etc. When I got to college and learned what's really valuable in relationships, it was based on godliness. There's one guy in particular that stands out as the one that I always thought was too good for me, because he's just the perfect guy (except not really) and I'm so not perfect. I was reading through my journal today because I finished it (!!!) and wanted to read everything I've learned throughout my time journaling. I got to a page that mentioned this very subject and stopped because I know it's something that many people struggle with so I decided to write about it.

This past school year has been an interesting one in the relationship department. I was single and not really looking but still kind of had my eyes on someone. He just seemed to be the best guy on campus. Definitely too good for me. Well, I always knew this thinking was flawed, but it wasn't until I talked to Meredith about it did I realize how and why it was. Thankfully, that was one of those conversations we had that I immediately went back to my room and journaled about, because it sure did open my eyes to my wrong thinking, so I'm glad to have a written record of it.

The first reason this mindset is flawed: it doesn't take the Gospel into account. As believers, we are taught that none of us is good. Rom 3:10 says "as it is written, THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE" and Rom 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." None of us, left to our own devices, is good or does good. We can't because of our sin nature that has been with us our entire lives. Jesus Christ had to come die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin, freeing us from the power of sin and reconciling us to the holy God of the universe. Our righteousness is not our own - it's Christ's, because He lived a sinless life while He was on earth. "He's too good for me" is a lie because no one is good at all. The statement is fundamentally flawed.

The second reason this mindset is flawed: sanctification is not our own work. It's important to remember that our sanctification (becoming pure) is from God. We can't sanctify ourselves, rather it is grace God does in our lives. Yes, we read God's word to know and love Him more, and we obey His commandments, but He is the one who grows us in Christlikeness. We don't make ourselves more godly. God makes us godly. And if it's a work that God does in our lives, who are we to compare our godliness with someone else's and say that they're too good for us? Isn't that kind of like saying that God hasn't done enough in my life to allow compatibility or whatever with so-and-so? Knowing that God is in charge of our sanctification takes so much pressure off - we just obey Him and He works in our hearts to change us and make us more like Him. Believing someone is too good for us because they're more godly or more sanctified than we are is wrong because it assumes we make ourselves godly/sanctified.

The third reason this mindset is flawed: it sets everyone up for failure. Say Girl likes Guy and thinks he's just perfect. Well, when she finds out that Guy squeezes his toothpaste from the middle of the tube (almost unforgivable) and that he struggles with his temper, she's going to be majorly bummed. It stinks for Guy too, because he has this standard of perfection that he's supposed to meet. Because he's not perfect, he'll eventually be seen as less valuable to Girl, which is a bummer for him. Also, if Guy knew that Girl thought so highly of him, he might become prideful, forgetting that sanctification is God's work in his life, not his own. Everyone loses in this situation.

The fourth reason this mindset is flawed: it doesn't take into account God's sovereignty. God is in control over every aspect of our lives, yes? Psalm 103:19 says "The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all." The word used for "all" here means..."all" (ok, sorry...Christian college joke). I don't really want to get into the subject of is there just one person God has for us, or could we, by His grace, really spend the rest of our lives with just anyone who fits the requirements. But if God does have someone specific for us, thinking that someone is too good limits God (in our minds). If there's really someone that God has chosen for you or me, it doesn't matter how "good" or godly or whatever he is or I am, it'll happen. Also, if we think one person is too good for us, and then end up dating/marrying another person, is that saying that this guy isn't as good as the other one? It's all so complicated. We must rest in God's sovereignty over this. It's God's plan, God's man, and God's timing.

If not based on godliness, "He's too good for me" might be based on giftedness. It was for me. I just thought that this guy was so gifted, and knew he was faithfully using his gift at church, and thought that made him better than me. But Meredith reminded me that first of all, I've been gifted too and was also using my gifts to serve in the church. So that thinking was wrong. But even more than that, it was a wrong way to think because just as our sanctification comes from God, so do our gifts. That's why they're called GIFTS - they've been GIVEN to us. Just because two people have different gifts and use them differently doesn't mean that one is more gifted than the other - we all use our gifts differently because we have different gifts. She reminded me the reason for our gifts - to serve, love, and obey God. Our spiritual gifts are for the edification of the church, but ultimately they're about God and His glory. They aren't about us.

So friends, I thought I'd just share this with you in case you think this way. Never view another person as too good for you, because we (believers) are all sinners saved by grace. It's not beneficial for you personally to think this way. But even more importantly, it shows a misunderstanding of God and His work in our lives. If you really believe that everything is about Him, you have to allow Him to permeate every area of your life, including this one.

Hello! In case anyone was wondering, I didn't abandon this blog! I know that it's been over a month since I've written a post (aside from quotes I'd found). There have been several ideas swirling around in my head about things I could write, but none have truly taken form quite yet. I will be back soon with a post. And because it's summer, I plan to be able to write a lot. Though I go to a Christian college with Bible classes, 3 chapels a week, and a solid Bible-teaching church during the school year, it seems like sometimes I learn even more over the summer. Some of the times of my most intense learning have been in lazy summer days, so I hope to write a lot about all the things that the Lord teaches me.

"Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. That was the proof of His love-that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though ‘legions of angels’ might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us-not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process." Elisabeth Elliot

Quotes

"It is mercy that our lives are not left for us to plan, but that our Father chooses for us; else might we sometimes turn away from our best blessings, and put from us the choicest loveliest gifts of His providence." Susannah Spurgeon


"As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you." CS Lewis


"There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us." Richard Sibbes


"When you don't know what to do next, just do the thing in front of you." Elisabeth Elliot


"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open." Corrie ten Boom